I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
