you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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