Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
