Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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