Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
