im about as happy as oj after his trial
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Randomize
