He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
