I must be too annoying 4 u.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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