Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
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