I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
