the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well I just put wine in my tea
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Randomize
