i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
