neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
