I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
