if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
