Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
