the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
