I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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