Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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