I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
