I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
