the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
