So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
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