I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
