apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
