the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
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