Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize