How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
