i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
