fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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