Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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