Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
