I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
