TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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