why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
