yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
