Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
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