The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Randomize
