i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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