This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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