the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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