I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
