I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
