i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
