If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We just shotgunned beers for America
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
