and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Idk if I want to put a bra on
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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