is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
