I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
