Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
