How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
