I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
