Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
