She went from zero to smokin in five shots
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
