the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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