Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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