i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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