im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
