he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Success! We fucked roommates!
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
