If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
