I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
