I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
