Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
