OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Randomize
