Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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