Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
