she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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