Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
