You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
