Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Randomize
