I think scott just propositioned me for sex
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
