I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
